Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
