You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
