that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
