She announced her abortion via fbk
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
