Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
