Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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