you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
