Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
