ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
