I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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