my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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