smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
