Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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