I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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