i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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