if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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