You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
