Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
