I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
