I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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