i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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