help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
