All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
