Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize