i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
