We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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