I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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