Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
