I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
