no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
