Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
