I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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