i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm just crazy horny about you
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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