sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
now i know why i became what i already was.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
