Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
my liver is dry heaving
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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