your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
