are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
what the fuck happened to the tacos
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
