a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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