There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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