I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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