So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
