btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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