youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
