Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
