im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
