So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
