I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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