What a fucking waste of an outfit
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
