none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
