R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
