Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
