I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
