Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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