my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
