dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's always time for handjobs
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
