My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
