How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
