I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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