We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
