His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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