You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
