I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
do nipples grow back?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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