you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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