is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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