I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
