So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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