we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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