I wish I could teleport
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize