I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Its about making memories worth repressing
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
