Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You pole danced in your parka.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
